Crystal Palace F.C.

CRYSTAL PALACE F.C. ~ John Salsalako

Introduction: John Akin Salako (born 11 February 1969) is a Nigerian-born English former professional footballer, sports television pundit and U16 coach of Premier League side Crystal Palace.

He played as a midfielder for Palace from 1986 until 1995. He represented England at senior level, earning five caps, all during 1991. He help Palace reach the FA cup final in 1990.

Preparation time: 5mins

Standing time: 0-30 mins

Home kit: whizzy stick (hand held blender) and whizzy stick beaker

Away kit: medium serving bowl, tortillas

Serves: 4


  • 1 tsp. chilli powder
  • bunch coriander, chopped (Basil is a good substitute)
  • 2 tomatoes, finely chopped
  • ½ red onion, finely chopped
  • ½ lime, juice only
  • 1 ripe avocado
  • salt, to taste


First half

Put the coriander, tomato, onion, ripe avocado and salt into the whizzy stick pot and whizz them into submission. Stir in the chilli and the lime juice which loosens the mixture.

Second half

Leave to fester for about 30 mins but you can tuck in immediately if time is short.

Full time results

Slop into the bowl and dip the tortillas into it.

Is it salsa? Is it guacamole? No it’s Salsalako.  Works well in fajita’s too.

CRYSTAL PALACE F.C. ~ Crystal Plaice

Introduction: The club was founded at The Crystal Palace in 1905, they played home games at The Crystal Palace which of course led to their nickname, “The Glaziers”. Palace became founder members of the Premier League in 1992 and they achieved promotion back to the Premier League under the excellent guidance of Ian Holloway in May 2013.

This is a slightly curried recipe redolent of kedgeree. The rice takes longer to cook than the plaice so put that on first.

Preparation time: 5 mins

Cooking time: 5 mins

Home kit: a large saucepan

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 4 plaice fillets, halved lengthways
  • ½ pint (300 ml) milk
  • 1 teaspoon curry powder
  • 1 teaspoon chutney
  • Generous pinch of sea salt


First half

Roll up the fillet strips. Put the milk into the saucepan, stir in the curry powder, chutney, salt and bring to the boil.

Second half

Place the fish rolls in the pan, return to the boil and simmer very gently for 5 minutes, until the fish flakes.

Full time results

Serve with boiled rice.

Crystal Palace F.C. ~ Wright’s pudding

Introduction: Ian Edward Wright, MBE (born 3 November 1963, Woolwich, London) is a former English professional footballer turned television and radio personality and currently part-time first-team coach of Milton Keynes Dons. He played 225-253 (I’m not sure which) games for Crystal Palace between 1985 and 1991 scoring 117 goals in all competitions. He was voted into their Centenary XI and named their “Player of The Century” in 2005.


Crystal Palace talent scout Pete Prentice saw Wright in a local Sunday-league match playing for Greenwich Borough and invited him for a trial at Selhurst Park. He impressed Steve Coppell, and signed for Crystal Palace in August 1985 where he was paid £100-a-week.  The transfer fee?  He was swapped for a set of weights.

I like that he is a Millwall supporter and has been since he was a boy. Perhaps we will meet there one day.

Preparation time: 10mins

Cooking time: 2½ hours

Home kit: 1½ pint ovenproof dish,

Away kit: 4 plates, spoons

Serves: 4


  • 2 oz. (50 g) pudding rice
  • 1 pint (568 ml) whole milk
  • 2 tbsp. golden caster sugar
  • Zest of ½ a lemon
  • grated nutmeg, a whole one
  • 1 tbsp. butter

Method: Preheat the oven to 150oC

First half

Wash the rice and drain well. Put into the dish and stir in the milk. Leave the rice to soak and soften for about 30 minutes. Add the sugar and lemon zest and stir it up. Grate the nutmeg onto the surface and dot with the butter.

Second half

Bake in the oven for 2½ hours stirring it once after 30 minutes. Then leave well alone to allow the skin to form.

Full time results

Allow to cool and serve making sure that everyone has an equal portion of the lovely golden skin.

Kickball Cuisine ~ Spaghettian Wright, Wright, Wright marinara

Introduction: Ian Wright is a patron of the African-Caribbean Leukaemia Trust. My impression from a number of documentaries and interviews about and with him, is that Ian Wright is passionate about the beautiful game, his family and the wellbeing of the human race in general.  I find his honesty cool, deep and refreshing.

He has scored 9 goals for England while gaining 33 caps.  And what a nice cap that is…

There is not a lot to pasta but what there is, is important.  The pasta must be cooked immediately before serving.  It should be cooked in a voluminous (BIG) saucepan with a lid and there should be lots of water to stop the pasta reabsorbing starch it has released while cooking.

Preparation time: 1mins

Cooking time: 8 mins(ish)

Home kit: a large saucepan, a large colander,

Away kit: some warmed plates, knives and forks

Serves: Some


  • 90g per person dried pasta


  • 100g per person fresh pasta
  • Lots and lots of water, a litre per person
  • 1 tsp. salt per person
  • Chris Kamarinara sauce


First half

Stick the necessary amount of water into the pan and boil it.  Add the salt and then quickly put in your pasta of choice.

Put the lid back on and bring the water up to the boil quickly then take it off and put it aside.  Lower the heat to a simmer.

Second half

Simmer the pasta of your choice for about 8 mins if it is dried spaghetti. 

I choose this as our most likely choice here in the UK.  There are tables for differing pasta’s in proper pasta cooking books, this is a good average.

Turn off the pasta, run in a little cold water to stop the cooking.  Drain in the large colander keeping a little of the water back in the pan, you’ll know what’s right.  Return the drained pasta to the saucepan and pop the lid back on to keep the warmth in. 

Full time results

Chuck the Chris Kamarinara sauce into the pasta pan, stir it up to coat the pasta with the sauce and serve in the warmed plates.

Kickball Cuisine ~ Chris Kamarinara sauce

Introduction: This recipe is named after the unbelievable Chris Kamara, he is an English kickballer who has played for Portsmouth, Swindon Town, Brentford, Stoke City, Leeds United, Luton Town, Sheffield United, Middlesbrough, and Bradford City . He also managed both Bradford City and Stoke City. He is now a brilliantly enthusiastic presenter and football analyst on Sky Sports.

A marinara sauce is Italian and essentially made of tomatoes, garlic, onions and herbs, though the recipe does vary by region. It means “mariner’s sauce” which I think is appropriate for Chris as I believe he used to serve in the Royal Navy.

I am not sure which team the splendid Mr. Kamara has the strongest allegiance to (perhaps he’ll tell me) so I have placed him under kickball generally as this sauce can work with many, many things.

I do know that he has been a national ambassador for the Marie Curie Cancer Care charity since 2010, which is why you’ll often see him wearing a daffodil lapel pin.

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 50 mins

Home kit: Medium saucepan

Away kit: Storage jar, spaghetti, meal ball

Serves: Some


  • 3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 small onion, finely chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 1 stalk of celery, finely chopped
  • 1 carrot, grated.
  • Generous pinch of sea salt
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2 tins plum tomatoes
  • 2 dried bay leaves


First half

Heat the oil over a low to medium flame (extra virgin olive oil is quite delicate) in the saucepan and add the onions and celery, sauté until they are translucent, this takes about 5 minutes. Don’t brown them, it spoils the flavour.

Second half

Reduce the heat and add the garlic, carrots, salt and pepper. Continue to sauté until all the vegetables are all soft, about 5 more minutes. Add the tomatoes and bay leaves, simmer uncovered over a low heat until the sauce thickens, about 20 mins.

Full time results

Remove and discard the bay leaves. Taste and season the sauce with more salt and pepper if necessary. Pour over your Everton F.C. ~ Alan meat Ball or Crystal Palace ~ Spaghettian Wright, Wright, Wright Marinara. You can also store it in the fridge for a few weeks using the large jar.