West Ham United F.C. ~ Cobby Moore

Introduction: Robert Frederick Chelsea “Bobby” Moore, OBE (12 April 1941 – 24 February 1993) was an English footballer. He captained West Ham United for more than ten years and was captain of the England team that won the 1966 World Cup.


He is widely regarded as one of the greatest players of all time, and was cited by Pelé as the greatest defender that he had ever played against. Moore is a member of the World Team of the 20th Century.

Preparation time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 10 mins

Home kit: large low sided baking tray, large saucepan

Away kit: The baking tray you cooked it on

Serves: kickball team


  • A fresh cob loaf
  • 2 chicken breasts cut into 1 inch cubes
  • 1 small tin sweetcorn (195g), the Devil’s Leavings.
  • 250g cream cheese
  • 250g sour cream
  • A packet of spring onion soup mix (difficult to find these days, a chicken stock cube works well too)

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Use a bread knife to cut a circular lid from the top of the loaf. Being careful not to cut through to the base of the bread cut a vertical cylinder of bread. Use your hands to pull out the soft bread until you are left with a crust bowl. Slice or break the extracted bread into fingers and scatter on the baking tray.

Put the cubes of chicken into the pan and cover with water, bring to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and set aside to cool.

Second half

Put the sweetcorn, cream cheese, sour cream and spring onion mix into a large saucepan and place it over medium heat, stirring constantly, until it is softened.

Pour the filling mixture into the crust bowl and top with the crust lid. Put the assembly into the oven for 15 minutes to toast the bread.

Full time results

Remove from the oven, stick on the table allow to cool a bit and eat with your fingers using the toasted bread to dip.

Stoke City F.C. ~ Goujon Banks

Introduction: Gordon Banks, OBE (born 30 December 1937) is… well, he’s Gordon Banks isn’t he! He made 194 appearances for Stoke between 1967 and 1972, and won 73 caps for his country. He was named FWA Footballer of the Year in 1972, and was named FIFA Goalkeeper of the Year on six occasions.

Gordon Banks catching a dog

Clearly an animal lover, here he is saving a dog.

Banks made what he believed to be three of the best saves of his career in a Stoke shirt. He saved and caught a powerful, well placed header from Manchester City’s Wyn Davies from eight yards. The second was a Francis Lee header, which he saved at Maine Road, and the third was catching a volley from Spur’s Alan Gilzean hit from just six yards out at White Hart Lane.

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 10 mins

Home kit: rolling pin, large frying pan, 3 saucers

Away kit: a large serving plate and some kitchen roll

Serves: A kickball team as finger food but 4 as a starter


  • 2 chicken breasts
  • 1 egg
  • ½ cup of flour
  • 1 matchbox of Parmesan cheese , grated
  • 1 tsp. Basil
  • 1 tsp. Oregano
  • 1 tsp. thyme
  • Handful of breadcrumbs
  • Some oil for frying

Method: Preheat the oven to 75oC and put in the large serving plate to warm

First half

Put the chicken breasts between two bits of cling-film and whack them with the rolling pin to flatten.

Cut the chicken into fingers about ½ inch wide. Put the flour, egg and breadcrumbs separately into the three saucers.  Grate the Parmesan and add the herbs to the breadcrumbs.

Second half – heat the oil in the frying pan

Dip the chicken fingers into the flour, then the egg and then the breadcrumb mixture and shallow fry in the frying pan over a medium heat until golden brown.  Do them a few at at time putting them on the kitchen roll on the plate in the oven.

Full time results

Serve from the warmed plate with tomato sauce, mayonnaise or just a squeeze of lemon juice.

Southampton F.C. ~ Saintchiladas

Introduction: The club has been called “The Saints” since it was founded on 21st November 1885 by members of the St. Mary’s Church of England Young Men’s Association (St. Mary’s YMA). So, it was an historic homecoming in 2001 when the team returned to St. Mary’s stadium next to that same church over a century later.

St. Mary's

In case you’ve not come across one of these (as I hadn’t) an enchilada is a tortilla rolled around a filling, chicken in this case, and smothered in a sauce of some description.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 15 mins first half and 20 mins second half

Home kit: A medium and large saucepan, two mixing bowls and a large baking tray

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 1.5 pints chicken stock
  • 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into strips
  • 6 green chillies
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 1 jar salsa
  • 4 oz. grated cheddar
  • 2 oz. grated parmesan
  • a handful of fresh coriander, chopped
  • 1 jar sliced black olives, drained
  • 1 jar enchilada sauce
  • Mexican hot sauce
  • 2 tsp. Cayenne pepper
  • 8 corn tortillas (6 inches across)


First half – before the match

Bring the stock to the boil in the medium pan, reduce the heat and add the chicken, chillies and garlic. Cook for 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Strain chicken, run cold water over it and shred into a bowl. Mix in the jar of salsa and set aside.

In the other bowl, mix up the cheddar, parmesan, coriander and olives.

In the large saucepan over medium heat, combine enchilada sauce, Mexican hot sauce and cayenne pepper (to taste). Stir until simmering then remove from the heat and set aside.

Second half – After the match – Preheat the oven to 220oC

Grease the baking tray (unless it’s non-stick). Microwave the tortillas for 20 seconds to soften them. Place small handfuls of the cheese mixture and chicken in centre of each tortilla, roll up and place on the baking tray, seam side down. Ladle on sauce and top with any remaining cheese mixture. Bake 20 minutes.

Full time results

Serve with remaining sauce on the side.

Aston Villa F.C. ~ Billy (Walker) Balti

Introduction: This recipe is named after William Henry “Billy” Walker, considered by many to be the greatest ever Aston Villa player. He was born in Wednesbury, Staffordshire and joined Villa in 1914 where he stayed for the rest of his playing career, retiring in 1934. He played for the club 478 time scoring 214 goals, he is still their all time top goal scorer. He played for England 18 times scoring 9 goals.

This recipe is from the Balti Triangle. Birmingham became Britain’s Balti capital following its arrival in the city in the 1970’s courtesy of the city’s Pakistani and Kashmiri communities. A Balti curry is traditionally cooked over a high flame with spiced fresh meat and/or vegetables then cooked again with extra spices and served in the round-bottomed balti dish.

You will find it easier to make the curry if you get all the spices ready beforehand. Do not attempt this recipe if pleasantly light headed. Kickballers, know your limits!

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 40 mins

Home kit: a large ovenproof casserole

Away kit: 4 balti dishes, naan bread and spoons

Serves: 4 as a starter

Dry Ingredients

  • ½ tsp. mustard seeds, crushed
  • 1 tsp. Garam Masala
  • 4 dried curry leaves, crushed
  • 1 tsp. sugar
  • 1 tsp. ground coriander
  • 1 tsp. ground cumin
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1 tsp. turmeric
  • 1 tsp. nigella seeds
  • 4 cardamom pods, bruised

Other ingredients

  • 1 tbsp. groundnut oil
  • 1 onion, finely chopped
  • 1 garlic clove, crushed and chopped
  • 1 thumb fresh root ginger, peeled and grated
  • 5 green chillies, chopped
  • Bunch fresh coriander, roughly chopped
  • 2 large chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized pieces
  • 250 ml vegetable or chicken stock
  • 1 tsp. tomato purée
  • Generous pinch of salt
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 1 large tomato, sliced

Method: preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Heat the oil in the casserole over a medium heat, when it is hot but not smoking, add the lightly crushed mustard seeds, cook for 30 seconds only, beware they may pop and spit out of the pan. Add the chopped onion and cook for about 5 minutes until soft but not coloured. Then add all the spices plus the garlic and ginger. Cook for another couple of minutes, taking care to ensure the spices don’t burn.

Add the chicken and sugar stirring briskly to make sure all the chicken is coated in the spices and fry for 5 minutes , continue stirring to make sure nothing catches and burns.

Second half

Add the stock, the tomato purée, the pinch of salt and the bay leaf, bring to the boil and pop in the preheated oven. Cook for 25 minutes until the chicken is tender. Remove from the oven, add the fresh coriander and tomato, stir and set aside to continue cooking while you warm up the naan bread.

Full time result

Serve piping hot in Balti dishes with naan bread and Aston Spumante on the side.

Chelsea F.C. ~ Ruud Pullet with Gianfranco Gorgonzola

Introduction: OK, there are a lot of ingredients but this is an easy, swift recipe which can be attempted post match if you’ve sunk less than six pints.

Ruud Gullit ~ was born Ruud Dil in Amsterdam. Gullit’s brilliance prompted George Best to comment in 1990, “Ruud Gullit is a great player by any standards. He has all the skills. He’s not afraid to do things with the ball. And he looks as if he’s enjoying every second of it.

Gianfranco Zola, OBE ~ joined Chelsea in 1996, he was voted the Football Writers’ Player of the Year in the 1996–97 season. In 2003 he was voted Chelsea’s greatest player ever. He was capped 35 times for Italy from his debut in 1991, appearing at the 1994 FIFA World Cup and Euro 96.

Preparation time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 20 mins

Home kit: Large saucepan, large frying pan, large plate and a colander.

Away kit: 4-6 serving plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4-6


  • 3 skinless chicken breast fillets, cut into ½ inch slices
  • salt
  • freshly ground black pepper
  • 3 tablespoons olive oil
  • 200g button mushrooms, quartered
  • 300ml whipping cream
  • 150g crumbled Gorgonzola cheese (actually, any blue cheese will do but it’s not as funny)
  • Some grated Parmesan cheese
  • Some fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley
  • 200g dried pasta


First half

Boil a lot of water in the large saucepan and lob in the pasta. After 10 mins pour into a colander and set aside. This will not quite cook the pasta but it will become al dente once it is combined with the Ruud Pullet and sauce later. I like to use Conchiglie but any will do.

While the pasta is cooking, season the chicken breasts to taste with the salt and pepper, not too much salt as there is plenty in the Gianfranco. Fry the chicken in the olive oil over a medium heat until it takes on a golden brown colour, remove and set aside. I would do this in a couple of batches, too much meat in the pan and it streams rather than fries.

Second half

Now put the mushrooms in the same frying pan and cook for 5 minutes until they are soft and release a lot of their liquid. Return the chicken to the pan and add the cream, bring to almost a boil and simmer for 2 minutes. Add half the Gianfranco and all the parmesan and a little more pepper and cook a little longer to melt the cheeses.

Full time results

Now combine the Ruud Pullet with the pasta and crumble the remaining gorgonzola and parsley over the top for decoration. Serve with Greenaway salad.

Reading F.C. ~ Royals roast chicken

Introduction: This is my friend Alien’s signature dish. Actually it’s his only dish. For the proper kickball cuisine presentation it should be served with Jersey Royals slathered in butter and topped with chopped up Royal mint.

The 1985/6 achievement

The Royals’ hold the record for the most consecutive wins from the start of a Football League season, 13 in total under the leadership of Ian Branfoot.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 2 hours / 4 beers

Home kit: Roasting tin, large saucepan

Away kit: Some plates, big serving plate, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 1.2Kg whole chicken
  • 1 lemon
  • ½ bulb garlic, lightly crush the cloves
  • Black pepper, copious amounts
  • Malden sea salt
  • Goose fat
  • 2lb Jersey Royals
  • Sprig of Royal mint and some chopped
  • Some knobs of butter

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Stuff the lemon and ¼ of the garlic bulb in the chicken. Taking the neck of the chicken push the remaining garlic cloves up under the skin to rest on the chicken breast. Rub the chicken skin with the goose fat and sea salt. Stick the chicken into a roasting tin and put at the top of the oven.

Wash, don’t scrape or peel the potatoes, the flavour is in the skin and there is less washing up to do. Stick the larger ones at the bottom of the saucepan and the smaller ones on the top. Add enough water to almost cover the Royals, add a generous pinch of salt and the sprig of mint.

Take the chicken out of the oven now the goose fat has melted away and cover with the copious amounts of black pepper and return it to the oven.

Go to the pub/match.

Second half

On return from the pub/match (circa 2 hours) remove the chicken from the oven and set to one side to rest for 20 mins or so. Turn off the oven and stick the plates in to warm up.

Turn on the heat full blast under the Jersey Royals, once the water begins to boil, turn down the heat and simmer for 15-20 mins. Test the spuds with a fork to find out when they are tender, you’ll know. Strain into the sink and put into a big serving plate and stick knobs of butter on them to melt. Sprinkle the chopped mint over, this is the green sh1t in this recipe, nothing else is required.

Full time results

Hack bits off the chicken onto the warmed plates. Stick on table and ask people to help themselves to spuds and green sh1t.

There you go, there you go, there you go! There you go, there you go, there you goooooooooo


Reading F.C. ~ Royals Coronation chicken

Introduction: They are nicknamed The Royals, due to Reading’s location in the Royal County of Berkshire, though they were previously known as The Biscuitmen, due to the town’s association with Huntley & Palmers. Established in 1871, the club is one of the oldest teams in England, but did not join The Football League until 1920, and had never played in the top tier of English football league system before the 2006–07 season.

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 10 mins

Home kit: Large frying pan, cooling plate, large mixing bowl

Away kit: Some plates

Serves: Some


  • Some yoghurt
  • Some crème fresh
  • Some mayonnaise
  • 3 tbls. mango and chilli chutney
  • 2 tsp. medium curry powder
  • Some sultanas
  • Some flaked almonds
  • Knob of butter
  • 2 chicken breasts or perhaps left over roast chicken
  • Some bread rolls



First half

First make the goujons by heating the knob of butter in a heavy frying pan, not too hot or the butter will burn. Slice the two chicken breasts into strips and sauté for 7 mins. Take out of the pan and set aside to cool.

Second half

While the chicken is cooking make the creamy sauce in the large mixing bowl by mixing the yoghurt, crème fresh and mayonnaise together. Now add the mango and chilli chutney, medium curry powder, sultanas, and flaked almonds. Mix it all up and let the flavours infuse.

Extra time

Put in the chicken goujons when they have cooled. Leaving this dish to fester in the fridge overnight improves the taste.

Full time results

Serve in some fresh buttered soft bread rolls. With salad if you must.