Kidneys

Tottenham Hotspur F.C. ~ Steak and Yidney pie

Introduction: Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, commonly referred to as Spurs, is an English football club that plays in the Premier League. The club’s home stadium is White Hart Lane and it is the first premiership stadium I ever visited when I went to watch The Millwall play thereFile:Tottenham Hotspur.svg some time around 2002 I think.

Founded in 1882, Tottenham won the FA Cup for the first time in 1901, making it the only non-League club to do so since the formation of the Football League. Tottenham was the first club in the 20th century to achieve the League and FA Cup Double, winning both competitions in the 1960–61 season.

Supporters of Spurs adopted the nickname “Yid” as a direct response to opposition fans originally using the word against them as a form of taunting and abuse. “Yid” is used as a badge of honour by the supporters of Tottenham Hotspur F.C., whether they be Jewish or not. And it is in that kickballing spirit that I have named this recipe. I do not wish to offend in any way, this is a kickball cuisine recipe for Spurs fans, for their history and for their chant. This is not a commentary on the broader issues of race and religion. I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Preparation time: 45 mins

Cooking time: One kickball match (3 hours)

Home kit: a casserole, 3 pint pie dish, pie funnel, kitchen scissors, shallow dish and set aside dish.

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 25g (1oz) butter
  • 2tbsp vegetable oil
  • 900g (2lb) braising steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
  • 3 lamb’s kidneys, snip out the white gristle and quarter
  • 3 tbsp. plain flour
  • 2 onions, peeled and finely sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
  • 1 x 570ml (1 pint) dark ale
  • Good splash Worcestershire sauce
  • 100g (4oz) chestnut mushrooms, quartered
  • 375g (13oz) puff pastry
  • 1 egg yolk, to glaze the pastry
  • Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • A little water

Method: Preheat the oven to 160oC

First half

Put the flour in the dish and season, coat the bits of steak and kidney in the seasoned flour. Heat the butter and oil in the casserole over a medium heat and brown a few pieces of meat at a time to seal in the flavours. Set aside and continue until it is all browned. Add a little water to the casserole and loosen the loveliness at the bottom with a wooden spoon. Now fry the onions and garlic to cook for 10 minutes until soft and lightly coloured.

Add the ale and Worcestershire sauce and season. Put on the lid and cook in the oven for one kickball match (2- 2½ hours) until the meat is tender.

Add the mushrooms, stir and pour into the pie dish. Put the funnel in the centre and cool.

Second half – Increase the oven temperature to 200oC.

Grease the rim of the pie dish. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured board. Cut a 1 inch strip of pastry and press on to the rim of the pie dish. Brush the rim with water. Roll the remaining pastry to make a lid and place on top of the pie, pressing down the edges. Trim and knock up by using a flat-bladed knife and horizontally tapping the edge. Decorate the centre of the pie with a pastry cockerel standing on a kickball. Mix the egg yolk with a little water and brush over the pastry. Place in the oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until the pastry is risen and golden brown.

Extra time

The cooked meat mixture can be frozen for up to a month in the pie dish in a freezer bag. To assemble the pie, simply defrost and play the second half.

Full time results

Stick on a plate with peas and eat with a pint of ale.

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Manchester United F.C. ~ Red Devilled Kidneys

Introduction: There is a rumour that suggests during a tour of France in the 1960s Manchester United were branded the Red Devils due to their red kit and Sir Matt Busby liked the name so much he asked for the club to incorporate a devil into the badge.

File:Manchester United FC crest.svg

Devilling is the use of Worcestershire sauce, mustard and cayenne pepper to flavour stuff, in this case kidneys.  It is an Edwardian (1901-1910) recipe popularised in gentleman’s clubs along with kedgeree and smoked herring.  This is the era during which Manchester United was officially born, specifically the 24th April 1902.

Preparation time: 25 mins

Cooking time: 10-30 mins

Home kit; Large frying pan

Away kit; 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 6 lambs’ kidneys, about 375g/13oz, skinned
  • 2 tbsp. plain flour
  • 25g/1oz butter for frying
  • ½ small onion, finely chopped
  • 1 tbsp. tomato purée
  • 1 tsp. grain mustard
  • Pinch cayenne pepper
  • 1–2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tsp. RedDevilsCurrant jelly
  • sea salt and freshly ground pepper
  • 4 thick slices of crusty bread
  • butter, for spreading

Method:

First half

Rinse the kidneys under cold running water. Using scissors, carefully cut the white cores out and bin them. If you have time, soak them in milk for 20mins before cooking, this removes any bitterness.

Melt the butter in a frying pan, not too hot or you’ll burn it. Add the onion and fry gently for 3–4 minutes until soft and turning golden-brown. Add the kidneys and cook for 2–3 minutes, turning every now and then until well coloured. BTW, cutting the little white bits out stops the kidneys curling.

Second half

Add the tomato purée, mustard, cayenne pepper, Worcestershire sauce and the critical RedDevilsCurrant jelly, season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Let the sauce bubble for a bit, say a minute, loosen with Worcestershire sauce if necessary. Set aside to cool for a little while in the pan while you toast the bread.

Full time results

Spread the toast with butter and lob on the kidneys. Serve immediately.