Mayonnaise

Wigan Athletic F.C. ~ Crab Laticakes

Introduction: The club’s nickname, “Latics” is a contraction of the word “Athletic” in some strange dialect.

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Make these up before you go to the match and stick them in the fridge to firm up.

Preparation time: 10 mins

Chilling time; The longer the better

Cooking time: 10 mins

Home kit: large mixing bowl, large non-stick frying pan

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 250g (9oz) white crab meat
  • 4 spring onions, thinly sliced
  • A thumb of fresh ginger, grated
  • 4tbsp fresh chives, finely chopped
  • 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped
  • 2 large eggs
  • 200g (7oz) fresh white breadcrumbs
  • 3tbsp vegetable oil
  • 4tbsp mayonnaise (full fat not that light rubbish)
  • Finely grated zest and juice of ½ lime, plus lime wedges to serve
  • Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 100oC

First half

Mix the crab, spring onions, ginger, chives, chilli, eggs and breadcrumbs together in the bowl. Season and form into 16 round patties.

Second half

Heat the oil in the frying pan. Fry the crab cakes for 3 mins each side so they turn crispy and golden – if you do this in batches they turn crispy quicker as there is not so much steam in the pan.

Full time results

Mix together the mayonnaise, lime zest and juice. Season well and serve with the crab cakes, lime wedges and a crisp green salad if you must or stick them in come crusty bread rolls.

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West Bromwich Albion F.C. ~ Boing boing baguette

Introduction: The Baggies supporters celebrate goals by bouncing up and down and chanting “Boing Boing”. This dates back to the 1992–93 season, when the team was promoted from the Second Division.

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Apparently boinging’s only really effective when stood on the terraces: in these days of all seaters it loses some of its impact. 

imageOnce upon a time the tea-ladies complained that every time a goal was scored, and the Brummie started boinging, the vibrations were transmitted through the concrete to the tea-bar and everything boinged about inside. The club were so concerned about this that they called in experts from Birmingham University to measure the effect of these sympathetic vibrations on the safety of the stand.

Preparation time: 5 mins

Cooking time: 5 mins

Home kit: small mixing bowl and a grill

Away kit: 2-4 plates

Serves: 2-4

Ingredients

  • 50g mature cheddar cheese, grated
  • 2 baguettes
  • 1 tin of tuna, drained
  • 4 tbsp. mayonnaise
  • A sprinkling of Worcestershire Sauce
  • Salt and pepper

Method: Preheat the grill to a medium heat

First half

Cut the baguettes in half and toast the crusty sides. While that is toasting drain the brine from the tuna and tip into the bowl. Mash in the mayonnaise, salt and pepper with a fork.

Second half

When the baggie is crunchy remove from the grill and spread on the tuna mix. Get as close to the edge as you can to protect the bread from the second toasting it’s about to get. Sprinkle on the cheese and Worcestershire sauce and put back under the grill until the cheese turns golden and bubbly.

Full time results

Stick them on the plates and serve. With salad if you must.

Clearly this would be better made with frog’s legs but this is not to the British palate I suspect.

Manchester United F.C. ~ Sir Alex Burgerson

Introduction: Sir Alex Ferguson was born on the 31st December 1941 in Glasgow. He shares a birthday with my grandfather.

He has won 49 trophies as a manager, making him the most successful British kickball manager in history.

The key to cooking a good burger is to create umami.  You can achieve this by getting the griddle you cook your burger on extremely hot before cooking. If you set off the fire alarms you’re doing it right!

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 4 mins, plus 5 mins Bergie time

Home kit: griddle or barbecue,

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks,

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 4 x 100% Aberdeen Angus beef burgers
  • 4 x soft white floured bread rolls
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Lettuce – shredded
  • Tomato, cut into strips
  • Dill pickles, cut into strips
  • Mayonnaise (full fat not the sliming rubbish)
  • Tomato sauce

Method: Preheat the barbecue or griddle till it’s smoking hot

First half

Coat the burgers with a generous pinch of salt and pepper. Allow to sit for a few minutes while the griddle or barbecue gets hot, stinking hot. Now coat with a light brush of olive oil and place on the heat and sear for one minute. Turn and sear for one minute. Rotate 90o and turn to get a goal net pattern going on your burgers, sear for one minute. Turn and sear for the final minute.

Put aside to rest for 5 mins (Bergie time) to allow the meat to relax and become soft.

Second half

While the burgers are resting toast the buns. Put the mayonnaise and tomato sauce on the base of the roll then cover with the shredded lettuce. After the 5 mins Bergie time place the pattie on the bun/lettuce combo and make a lattice of tomato and dill pickle strips on top to make a tasty vegetable tartan.

Full time results

Close the bun and eat vigorously as if on the side lines chewing gum.