Reading F.C. ~ Royals roast chicken

Introduction: This is my friend Alien’s signature dish. Actually it’s his only dish. For the proper kickball cuisine presentation it should be served with Jersey Royals slathered in butter and topped with chopped up Royal mint.

The 1985/6 achievement

The Royals’ hold the record for the most consecutive wins from the start of a Football League season, 13 in total under the leadership of Ian Branfoot.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 2 hours / 4 beers

Home kit: Roasting tin, large saucepan

Away kit: Some plates, big serving plate, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 1.2Kg whole chicken
  • 1 lemon
  • ½ bulb garlic, lightly crush the cloves
  • Black pepper, copious amounts
  • Malden sea salt
  • Goose fat
  • 2lb Jersey Royals
  • Sprig of Royal mint and some chopped
  • Some knobs of butter

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Stuff the lemon and ¼ of the garlic bulb in the chicken. Taking the neck of the chicken push the remaining garlic cloves up under the skin to rest on the chicken breast. Rub the chicken skin with the goose fat and sea salt. Stick the chicken into a roasting tin and put at the top of the oven.

Wash, don’t scrape or peel the potatoes, the flavour is in the skin and there is less washing up to do. Stick the larger ones at the bottom of the saucepan and the smaller ones on the top. Add enough water to almost cover the Royals, add a generous pinch of salt and the sprig of mint.

Take the chicken out of the oven now the goose fat has melted away and cover with the copious amounts of black pepper and return it to the oven.

Go to the pub/match.

Second half

On return from the pub/match (circa 2 hours) remove the chicken from the oven and set to one side to rest for 20 mins or so. Turn off the oven and stick the plates in to warm up.

Turn on the heat full blast under the Jersey Royals, once the water begins to boil, turn down the heat and simmer for 15-20 mins. Test the spuds with a fork to find out when they are tender, you’ll know. Strain into the sink and put into a big serving plate and stick knobs of butter on them to melt. Sprinkle the chopped mint over, this is the green sh1t in this recipe, nothing else is required.

Full time results

Hack bits off the chicken onto the warmed plates. Stick on table and ask people to help themselves to spuds and green sh1t.

There you go, there you go, there you go! There you go, there you go, there you goooooooooo