Onion

Newcastle United F.C. ~ Geordie Pan Heggarty

Introduction: This is a bit convoluted so pay attention…  The Stanley Cricket Club of Byker was later formed in November 1881and renamed Newcastle East End F.C. in October 1882. In 1886 Newcastle East End moved from Byker to Heaton.

In August 1882, Newcastle West End F.C. formed from West End Cricket Club, and in May 1886, the club moved into St James’ Park.

The two clubs became rivals in the Northern League. In 1889 Newcastle East End became a professional team, before becoming a limited company the following March.

Newcastle West End were in serious financial trouble and approached East End with a view to a take over. Newcastle West End were eventually dissolved, and a number of their players and backroom staff joined Newcastle East End, effectively merging the two clubs, with Newcastle East End taking over the lease on St James’ Park in May 1892.

Newcastle United Logo.svg

Pan Heggarty is a traditional dish from the north east of England. It is a filling dish and a cheap way to fill stomachs.  The linguistic the root of Heggerty is probably the same as haggis , both derived from the French “hache” meaning chopped.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 40 mins

Home kit: Saucepan, large frying pan, grater and large mixing bowl

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 2 large potatoes, par boiled and cooled
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 4 rashers smoked streaky bacon, chopped
  • 2 cloves gnarly garlic, chopped
  • 150g strong cheddar cheese, grated
  • Handful fresh parsley, chopped (or a palmful of dried parsley)
  • Olive oil

Method:

First half

Par boil the spuds in the saucepan for 10 mins and leave to cool, running them under cold water helps. Fry the bacon in the large frying pan till crispy. While that is happening roughly grate the large potatoes into a large mixing bowl (large potatoes are easier to hold than little ones) then crumble in the crispy bacon and mix in the onion, cheese and chopped parsley. Make 4 patties out of the mixture.

Second half

Add some oil to the bacon fat (also called lard) in the frying pan and on a high heat fry the patties until they are crisp and brown, about 4 minutes a side. It is best to do them two at a time or the patties do not crisp up.

Full time

Lay the table with the away kit and serve and eat as soon as they have cooled down enough, with salad if you must.

Tottenham Hotspur F.C. ~ Steak and Yidney pie

Introduction: Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, commonly referred to as Spurs, is an English football club that plays in the Premier League. The club’s home stadium is White Hart Lane and it is the first premiership stadium I ever visited when I went to watch The Millwall play thereFile:Tottenham Hotspur.svg some time around 2002 I think.

Founded in 1882, Tottenham won the FA Cup for the first time in 1901, making it the only non-League club to do so since the formation of the Football League. Tottenham was the first club in the 20th century to achieve the League and FA Cup Double, winning both competitions in the 1960–61 season.

Supporters of Spurs adopted the nickname “Yid” as a direct response to opposition fans originally using the word against them as a form of taunting and abuse. “Yid” is used as a badge of honour by the supporters of Tottenham Hotspur F.C., whether they be Jewish or not. And it is in that kickballing spirit that I have named this recipe. I do not wish to offend in any way, this is a kickball cuisine recipe for Spurs fans, for their history and for their chant. This is not a commentary on the broader issues of race and religion. I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Preparation time: 45 mins

Cooking time: One kickball match (3 hours)

Home kit: a casserole, 3 pint pie dish, pie funnel, kitchen scissors, shallow dish and set aside dish.

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 25g (1oz) butter
  • 2tbsp vegetable oil
  • 900g (2lb) braising steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
  • 3 lamb’s kidneys, snip out the white gristle and quarter
  • 3 tbsp. plain flour
  • 2 onions, peeled and finely sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
  • 1 x 570ml (1 pint) dark ale
  • Good splash Worcestershire sauce
  • 100g (4oz) chestnut mushrooms, quartered
  • 375g (13oz) puff pastry
  • 1 egg yolk, to glaze the pastry
  • Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • A little water

Method: Preheat the oven to 160oC

First half

Put the flour in the dish and season, coat the bits of steak and kidney in the seasoned flour. Heat the butter and oil in the casserole over a medium heat and brown a few pieces of meat at a time to seal in the flavours. Set aside and continue until it is all browned. Add a little water to the casserole and loosen the loveliness at the bottom with a wooden spoon. Now fry the onions and garlic to cook for 10 minutes until soft and lightly coloured.

Add the ale and Worcestershire sauce and season. Put on the lid and cook in the oven for one kickball match (2- 2½ hours) until the meat is tender.

Add the mushrooms, stir and pour into the pie dish. Put the funnel in the centre and cool.

Second half – Increase the oven temperature to 200oC.

Grease the rim of the pie dish. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured board. Cut a 1 inch strip of pastry and press on to the rim of the pie dish. Brush the rim with water. Roll the remaining pastry to make a lid and place on top of the pie, pressing down the edges. Trim and knock up by using a flat-bladed knife and horizontally tapping the edge. Decorate the centre of the pie with a pastry cockerel standing on a kickball. Mix the egg yolk with a little water and brush over the pastry. Place in the oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until the pastry is risen and golden brown.

Extra time

The cooked meat mixture can be frozen for up to a month in the pie dish in a freezer bag. To assemble the pie, simply defrost and play the second half.

Full time results

Stick on a plate with peas and eat with a pint of ale.

Manchester United F.C. ~ Red Devilled Kidneys

Introduction: There is a rumour that suggests during a tour of France in the 1960s Manchester United were branded the Red Devils due to their red kit and Sir Matt Busby liked the name so much he asked for the club to incorporate a devil into the badge.

File:Manchester United FC crest.svg

Devilling is the use of Worcestershire sauce, mustard and cayenne pepper to flavour stuff, in this case kidneys.  It is an Edwardian (1901-1910) recipe popularised in gentleman’s clubs along with kedgeree and smoked herring.  This is the era during which Manchester United was officially born, specifically the 24th April 1902.

Preparation time: 25 mins

Cooking time: 10-30 mins

Home kit; Large frying pan

Away kit; 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 6 lambs’ kidneys, about 375g/13oz, skinned
  • 2 tbsp. plain flour
  • 25g/1oz butter for frying
  • ½ small onion, finely chopped
  • 1 tbsp. tomato purée
  • 1 tsp. grain mustard
  • Pinch cayenne pepper
  • 1–2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tsp. RedDevilsCurrant jelly
  • sea salt and freshly ground pepper
  • 4 thick slices of crusty bread
  • butter, for spreading

Method:

First half

Rinse the kidneys under cold running water. Using scissors, carefully cut the white cores out and bin them. If you have time, soak them in milk for 20mins before cooking, this removes any bitterness.

Melt the butter in a frying pan, not too hot or you’ll burn it. Add the onion and fry gently for 3–4 minutes until soft and turning golden-brown. Add the kidneys and cook for 2–3 minutes, turning every now and then until well coloured. BTW, cutting the little white bits out stops the kidneys curling.

Second half

Add the tomato purée, mustard, cayenne pepper, Worcestershire sauce and the critical RedDevilsCurrant jelly, season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Let the sauce bubble for a bit, say a minute, loosen with Worcestershire sauce if necessary. Set aside to cool for a little while in the pan while you toast the bread.

Full time results

Spread the toast with butter and lob on the kidneys. Serve immediately.

Manchester City F.C. ~ Kompany casserole

Introduction: Vincent Jean Mpoy Kompany, is a very nice Belgian chap and captain of Manchester Citeh.

That is how you spell it according to my friend and fervent Citeh supporter Phil Clews.

Mr. Kompany is an ambassador for the SOS Children’s villages charity that provides education and safe accommodation for children living in poverty in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where his dad comes from. He is listed 23rd in the world’s top 100 kickball players.

This recipe is ideally suited to a kickball day. You make it on the day before and stick it in the fridge to fester. It cooks best from a cold oven so you can set the oven to finish cooking when you get back from the match/pub (ask a young person how to do this).

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 1 hour + 20 mins to brown

Home kit; Large frying pan, large and quite deep 13″x9″ baking tray, medium mixing bowl

Away kit: 8 warmed plates, knives and forks

Serves: 8

Ingredients

  • 1 lb. Grated potatoes
  • 1 onion, chopped or grated
  • 1 lb. ground pork sausage meat, browned in a frying pan and drained
  • 1 green pepper, chopped
  • 4 oz. sliced mushrooms (or a small tin, drained)
  • 4 oz. grated Cheddar cheese
  • 1 doz. eggs
  • ½ pint whole milk (none of that skimmed rubbish!)
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Method: Don’t preheat the oven

First half

Spread half of the grated potatoes in the lightly greased baking tray, tin or glass it does not matter. Then layer on half the onion, all the sausage meat, the remaining onion, green pepper, mushrooms and half the cheese. In the bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk and seasonings. Pour this mixture over the casserole; top with remaining grated potatoes and cheese. Cover with cooking foil and refrigerate overnight.

Second half

Place the casserole in a cold oven and bake, covered, at 180oC for about an hour. Uncover and bake for a final 20 minutes to brown the top, test by inserting a knife into the centre,  if it comes out nice and clean we’re done.

Full time result

Serve at once on warmed plates with nothing, it’ a meal in itself.

Fulham F.C. ~ Craven Cottage pie

Introduction: Craven Cottage has been the home ground of Fulham since 1896.  Its current capacity is 25,700, the record attendance was for a game against the Millwall Dockers on the 8th October 1938 and stands at 49,335.

This pie should be made with King Edward potatoes as they were named after King Edward VII who was King when Fulham ascended to the football league in 1903.

Preparation time: 20 min

Cooking time: 1 hour 20 mins

Home kit: a large saucepan, large shallow ovenproof baking dish

Away kit: 4-6 dinner plates and forks

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

  • 1 tbsp. sunflower oil
  • 1 lb. beef mince
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 x 400ml cans of chopped tomatoes
  • 350g frozen mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, green beans)
  • 1 lb. peeled potatoes
  • A knob of Butter (proper stuff)
  • A matchbox sized piece of strong cheddar, grated
  • Generous pinch of salt and pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Heat the oil in the saucepan over a medium heat and fry the onions until soft, then add the beef, keep frying until the beef is evenly browned, this will take about 10 minutes. Now pour in the two cans of tomatoes, Worcester sauce and the frozen mixed vegetables. Season to taste, with salt and pepper, cover and simmer for 30 minutes.

While that’s happening, cut the potatoes into small chunks (they cook quicker) and boil them in salted water until soft. Drain and mash them to smithereens with the butter.

Second half

Now it all comes together.  Lightly grease the baking dish and spoon in the mince mixture. Spread the mash over the top and sprinkle the cheese over the mash. Place in the oven for 30-40 mins until thoroughly hot and the cheese is bubbling.

Full time result

Serve on its own on piping hot plates.  It’s a meal in itself!

Aston Villa F.C. ~ Billy (Walker) Balti

Introduction: This recipe is named after William Henry “Billy” Walker, considered by many to be the greatest ever Aston Villa player. He was born in Wednesbury, Staffordshire and joined Villa in 1914 where he stayed for the rest of his playing career, retiring in 1934. He played for the club 478 time scoring 214 goals, he is still their all time top goal scorer. He played for England 18 times scoring 9 goals.

This recipe is from the Balti Triangle. Birmingham became Britain’s Balti capital following its arrival in the city in the 1970’s courtesy of the city’s Pakistani and Kashmiri communities. A Balti curry is traditionally cooked over a high flame with spiced fresh meat and/or vegetables then cooked again with extra spices and served in the round-bottomed balti dish.

You will find it easier to make the curry if you get all the spices ready beforehand. Do not attempt this recipe if pleasantly light headed. Kickballers, know your limits!

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 40 mins

Home kit: a large ovenproof casserole

Away kit: 4 balti dishes, naan bread and spoons

Serves: 4 as a starter

Dry Ingredients

  • ½ tsp. mustard seeds, crushed
  • 1 tsp. Garam Masala
  • 4 dried curry leaves, crushed
  • 1 tsp. sugar
  • 1 tsp. ground coriander
  • 1 tsp. ground cumin
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1 tsp. turmeric
  • 1 tsp. nigella seeds
  • 4 cardamom pods, bruised

Other ingredients

  • 1 tbsp. groundnut oil
  • 1 onion, finely chopped
  • 1 garlic clove, crushed and chopped
  • 1 thumb fresh root ginger, peeled and grated
  • 5 green chillies, chopped
  • Bunch fresh coriander, roughly chopped
  • 2 large chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized pieces
  • 250 ml vegetable or chicken stock
  • 1 tsp. tomato purée
  • Generous pinch of salt
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 1 large tomato, sliced

Method: preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Heat the oil in the casserole over a medium heat, when it is hot but not smoking, add the lightly crushed mustard seeds, cook for 30 seconds only, beware they may pop and spit out of the pan. Add the chopped onion and cook for about 5 minutes until soft but not coloured. Then add all the spices plus the garlic and ginger. Cook for another couple of minutes, taking care to ensure the spices don’t burn.

Add the chicken and sugar stirring briskly to make sure all the chicken is coated in the spices and fry for 5 minutes , continue stirring to make sure nothing catches and burns.

Second half

Add the stock, the tomato purée, the pinch of salt and the bay leaf, bring to the boil and pop in the preheated oven. Cook for 25 minutes until the chicken is tender. Remove from the oven, add the fresh coriander and tomato, stir and set aside to continue cooking while you warm up the naan bread.

Full time result

Serve piping hot in Balti dishes with naan bread and Aston Spumante on the side.

Kickball Cuisine ~ Chris Kamarinara sauce

Introduction: This recipe is named after the unbelievable Chris Kamara, he is an English kickballer who has played for Portsmouth, Swindon Town, Brentford, Stoke City, Leeds United, Luton Town, Sheffield United, Middlesbrough, and Bradford City . He also managed both Bradford City and Stoke City. He is now a brilliantly enthusiastic presenter and football analyst on Sky Sports.

A marinara sauce is Italian and essentially made of tomatoes, garlic, onions and herbs, though the recipe does vary by region. It means “mariner’s sauce” which I think is appropriate for Chris as I believe he used to serve in the Royal Navy.

I am not sure which team the splendid Mr. Kamara has the strongest allegiance to (perhaps he’ll tell me) so I have placed him under kickball generally as this sauce can work with many, many things.

I do know that he has been a national ambassador for the Marie Curie Cancer Care charity since 2010, which is why you’ll often see him wearing a daffodil lapel pin.

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 50 mins

Home kit: Medium saucepan

Away kit: Storage jar, spaghetti, meal ball

Serves: Some

Ingredients

  • 3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 small onion, finely chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 1 stalk of celery, finely chopped
  • 1 carrot, grated.
  • Generous pinch of sea salt
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2 tins plum tomatoes
  • 2 dried bay leaves

Method:

First half

Heat the oil over a low to medium flame (extra virgin olive oil is quite delicate) in the saucepan and add the onions and celery, sauté until they are translucent, this takes about 5 minutes. Don’t brown them, it spoils the flavour.

Second half

Reduce the heat and add the garlic, carrots, salt and pepper. Continue to sauté until all the vegetables are all soft, about 5 more minutes. Add the tomatoes and bay leaves, simmer uncovered over a low heat until the sauce thickens, about 20 mins.

Full time results

Remove and discard the bay leaves. Taste and season the sauce with more salt and pepper if necessary. Pour over your Everton F.C. ~ Alan meat Ball or Crystal Palace ~ Spaghettian Wright, Wright, Wright Marinara. You can also store it in the fridge for a few weeks using the large jar.