Swansea City A.F.C. ~ Coquilles Saint Toshack

Introduction: John Benjamin Toshack OBE (born 22 March 1949) is a Welsh former footballer player, and now a football manager. He managed Swansea City taking over from Harry Griffiths in 1978 and he took them from the Fourth Division to the First in four seasons.

A splendid photo of John Toshack and Henry Newton (Derby).

As a player, he is remembered for being part of the Liverpool side of the 1970s, where he formed the forward partnership with Kevin Keegan.

This is a recipe  based on Coquilles Saint Jacques, the association of Saint James with the scallop can most likely be traced to a legend that the apostle once rescued a knight covered in scallops. Well, what else could it be?

Preparation time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 10 mins

Home kit: oven proof dish, medium-sized pan, slotted spoon

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 1 tbsp. butter
  • ½ onion, finely chopped
  • 2 cloves garlic, crushed
  • palmful of fresh parsley
  • 8 scallops
  • 125 ml white wine, such as Chardonnay
  • 150 ml double cream
  • A good handful freshly grated cheese mixture ¼ parmesan, to ¾ mature cheddar cheese
  • Sea salt
  • Freshly ground black pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Melt the butter in the pan over a medium heat and soften the onion and garlic in it for 2–3 minutes until softened and translucent. Add the parsley and season to taste. Remove the mixture from the pan with the spoon and set aside, leaving the liquor.

Second half

Warm the liquor in the pan when hot add the scallops and brown them on each side, this will take about 30 seconds for each side. Return the garlic and onion and add the white wine, and cook briskly for a couple of minutes. Reduce the heat and stir in the double cream, cook gently until reduced and thickened.

Pour the mixture into the dish and cover with grated cheese. Place the dish in the oven and cook until the cheese is golden.

Full time results

Garnish with parsley and serve immediately.

Newcastle United F.C. ~ Geordie Pan Heggarty

Introduction: This is a bit convoluted so pay attention…  The Stanley Cricket Club of Byker was later formed in November 1881and renamed Newcastle East End F.C. in October 1882. In 1886 Newcastle East End moved from Byker to Heaton.

In August 1882, Newcastle West End F.C. formed from West End Cricket Club, and in May 1886, the club moved into St James’ Park.

The two clubs became rivals in the Northern League. In 1889 Newcastle East End became a professional team, before becoming a limited company the following March.

Newcastle West End were in serious financial trouble and approached East End with a view to a take over. Newcastle West End were eventually dissolved, and a number of their players and backroom staff joined Newcastle East End, effectively merging the two clubs, with Newcastle East End taking over the lease on St James’ Park in May 1892.

Newcastle United Logo.svg

Pan Heggarty is a traditional dish from the north east of England. It is a filling dish and a cheap way to fill stomachs.  The linguistic the root of Heggerty is probably the same as haggis , both derived from the French “hache” meaning chopped.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: 40 mins

Home kit: Saucepan, large frying pan, grater and large mixing bowl

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 2 large potatoes, par boiled and cooled
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 4 rashers smoked streaky bacon, chopped
  • 2 cloves gnarly garlic, chopped
  • 150g strong cheddar cheese, grated
  • Handful fresh parsley, chopped (or a palmful of dried parsley)
  • Olive oil


First half

Par boil the spuds in the saucepan for 10 mins and leave to cool, running them under cold water helps. Fry the bacon in the large frying pan till crispy. While that is happening roughly grate the large potatoes into a large mixing bowl (large potatoes are easier to hold than little ones) then crumble in the crispy bacon and mix in the onion, cheese and chopped parsley. Make 4 patties out of the mixture.

Second half

Add some oil to the bacon fat (also called lard) in the frying pan and on a high heat fry the patties until they are crisp and brown, about 4 minutes a side. It is best to do them two at a time or the patties do not crisp up.

Full time

Lay the table with the away kit and serve and eat as soon as they have cooled down enough, with salad if you must.

Tottenham Hotspur F.C. ~ Oysters Ardiles

Introduction: Osvaldo César Ardiles  was born in Bell Ville, Córdoba on the 3rd August 1952, referred to here as Ossie Ardiles, is a football coach, pundit and former kickballer.  He was part of the national Argentinian team the won the World Cup  in1978. He now runs the Ossie Ardiles Soccer School.

A competitive and skilled midfielder, Ardiles became a cult hero in England, along with Glenn Hoddle and compatriot Ricardo Villa, while playing for Spurs.

And so to the recipe, also known as the Hangtown Fry this recipe was probably invented in Placerville, California, then known as Hangtown, as fodder for rich gold prospectors in the 1850’s or as the final meal for a condemned man.

Preparation time: 5mins

Cooking time: 5 mins

Home kit: large frying pan, mixing bowl, shallow dish, table spoon

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4


  • 4 rashers of streaky bacon
  • 8 eggs
  • 8 shucked oysters
  • A palmful of chopped parsley
  • A good handful breadcrumbs in the dish
  • 30g butter
  • Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 100oC to warm the plates

First half

Quickly fry the bacon on a medium to high heat until crisp. Set aside to drain on kitchen paper.

Beat the eggs in the bowl. Mix in the parsley and season with salt and pepper. Using your hands dip the oysters in the egg mixture and then coat with breadcrumbs. Melt the butter in the same frying pan as you used for the bacon, it should be hot but not so hot that you burn the butter. Fry the oysters until golden.

Second half

Pour the remaining egg mixture over the oysters in the hot (but not too hot) frying pan, leave it until set slightly, then using the tablespoon draw the edges of the omelette into the centre, tilt the pan to usher uncooked egg to pour towards the edges. Cook for a further minute, use a timer. Crumble the bacon and sprinkle onto the omelette.

Full time results

The Oysters Ardiles will continue to cook on the warmed plates so remove from the heat when the eggs are still slightly liquid on top.  Cut the omelette into quarters and serve immediately. With salad if you must.

Everton F.C. ~ The Alan meat Ball

Introduction: Alan James Ball played for Everton from 1966 to 1971. We was the youngest member of the 1966 world cup winning England team, eventually picking up 50 England caps. He was added to the “Everton Giants” list in 2001 as a part of their 125th anniversary celebrations.

This meatball recipe can of course be made into the traditional small meatballs but it’s not as funny.

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 55 mins

Home kit: medium mixing bowl, medium baking tray

Away kit: 2 pasta bowls, forks and spoons

Serves: 2


  • 100g beef mince (ground steak is best)
  • 100g Nduja sausage (or pork mince)
  • ½ cup bread crumbs
  • Small bunch of flat leaf parsley, chopped
  • 25g grated parmesan cheese
  • 1 tbsp. dried basil
  • 1 tbsp. dried oregano
  • Generous pinch of salt
  • Freshly ground black pepper
  • 1 egg
  • Chris Kamarinara sauce

Method: Pre-heat oven to 180°C

First half

In the mixing bowl, combine the mince, sausage, bread crumbs, parsley, cheese, basil, oregano, salt, pepper, and eggs (this works best if you use your hands). Shape the mixture into a smooth ball and place in the centre of the baking tray.

Second half

Bake in the preheated oven for 35 minutes, drain off any fat in the from the tray as it cooks.  When that time is up pour your Kamarinara sauce over the meatball and bake for a further 20 minutes; let it stand 10 minutes while you cook the pasta.

Full time results

Serve the Alan meat Ball cut in wedges dripping with the sauce and some Spaghettian Wright, Wright, Wright.

Chelsea F.C. ~ Ruud Pullet with Gianfranco Gorgonzola

Introduction: OK, there are a lot of ingredients but this is an easy, swift recipe which can be attempted post match if you’ve sunk less than six pints.

Ruud Gullit ~ was born Ruud Dil in Amsterdam. Gullit’s brilliance prompted George Best to comment in 1990, “Ruud Gullit is a great player by any standards. He has all the skills. He’s not afraid to do things with the ball. And he looks as if he’s enjoying every second of it.

Gianfranco Zola, OBE ~ joined Chelsea in 1996, he was voted the Football Writers’ Player of the Year in the 1996–97 season. In 2003 he was voted Chelsea’s greatest player ever. He was capped 35 times for Italy from his debut in 1991, appearing at the 1994 FIFA World Cup and Euro 96.

Preparation time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 20 mins

Home kit: Large saucepan, large frying pan, large plate and a colander.

Away kit: 4-6 serving plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4-6


  • 3 skinless chicken breast fillets, cut into ½ inch slices
  • salt
  • freshly ground black pepper
  • 3 tablespoons olive oil
  • 200g button mushrooms, quartered
  • 300ml whipping cream
  • 150g crumbled Gorgonzola cheese (actually, any blue cheese will do but it’s not as funny)
  • Some grated Parmesan cheese
  • Some fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley
  • 200g dried pasta


First half

Boil a lot of water in the large saucepan and lob in the pasta. After 10 mins pour into a colander and set aside. This will not quite cook the pasta but it will become al dente once it is combined with the Ruud Pullet and sauce later. I like to use Conchiglie but any will do.

While the pasta is cooking, season the chicken breasts to taste with the salt and pepper, not too much salt as there is plenty in the Gianfranco. Fry the chicken in the olive oil over a medium heat until it takes on a golden brown colour, remove and set aside. I would do this in a couple of batches, too much meat in the pan and it streams rather than fries.

Second half

Now put the mushrooms in the same frying pan and cook for 5 minutes until they are soft and release a lot of their liquid. Return the chicken to the pan and add the cream, bring to almost a boil and simmer for 2 minutes. Add half the Gianfranco and all the parmesan and a little more pepper and cook a little longer to melt the cheeses.

Full time results

Now combine the Ruud Pullet with the pasta and crumble the remaining gorgonzola and parsley over the top for decoration. Serve with Greenaway salad.