Tottenham Hotspur F.C. ~ Steak and Yidney pie

Introduction: Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, commonly referred to as Spurs, is an English football club that plays in the Premier League. The club’s home stadium is White Hart Lane and it is the first premiership stadium I ever visited when I went to watch The Millwall play there some time around 2002 I think.

Founded in 1882, Tottenham won the FA Cup for the first time in 1901, making it the only non-League club to do so since the formation of the Football League. Tottenham was the first club in the 20th century to achieve the League and FA Cup Double, winning both competitions in the 1960–61 season.

Supporters of Spurs adopted the nickname “Yid” as a direct response to opposition fans originally using the word against them as a form of taunting and abuse. “Yid” is used as a badge of honour by the supporters of Tottenham Hotspur F.C., whether they be Jewish or not. And it is in that kickballing spirit that I have named this recipe. I do not wish to offend in any way, this is a kickball cuisine recipe for Spurs fans, for their history and for their chant. This is not a commentary on the broader issues of race and religion. I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Preparation time: 45 mins

Cooking time: One kickball match (3 hours)

Home kit: a casserole, 3 pint pie dish, pie funnel, kitchen scissors, shallow dish and set aside dish.

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 25g (1oz) butter
• 2tbsp vegetable oil
• 900g (2lb) braising steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 3 lamb’s kidneys, snip out the white gristle and quarter
• 3 tbsp. plain flour
• 2 onions, peeled and finely sliced
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
• 1 x 570ml (1 pint) dark ale
• Good splash Worcestershire sauce
• 100g (4oz) chestnut mushrooms, quartered
• 375g (13oz) puff pastry
• 1 egg yolk, to glaze the pastry
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• A little water

Method: Preheat the oven to 160^oC

First half

Put the flour in the dish and season, coat the bits of steak and kidney in the seasoned flour. Heat the butter and oil in the casserole over a medium heat and brown a few pieces of meat at a time to seal in the flavours. Set aside and continue until it is all browned. Add a little water to the casserole and loosen the loveliness at the bottom with a wooden spoon. Now fry the onions and garlic to cook for 10 minutes until soft and lightly coloured.

Add the ale and Worcestershire sauce and season. Put on the lid and cook in the oven for one kickball match (2- 2½ hours) until the meat is tender.

Add the mushrooms, stir and pour into the pie dish. Put the funnel in the centre and cool.

Second half – Increase the oven temperature to 200^oC.

Grease the rim of the pie dish. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured board. Cut a 1 inch strip of pastry and press on to the rim of the pie dish. Brush the rim with water. Roll the remaining pastry to make a lid and place on top of the pie, pressing down the edges. Trim and knock up by using a flat-bladed knife and horizontally tapping the edge. Decorate the centre of the pie with a pastry cockerel standing on a kickball. Mix the egg yolk with a little water and brush over the pastry. Place in the oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until the pastry is risen and golden brown.

Extra time

The cooked meat mixture can be frozen for up to a month in the pie dish in a freezer bag. To assemble the pie, simply defrost and play the second half.

Full time results

Stick on a plate with peas and eat with a pint of ale.

Manchester City F.C. ~ Kompany casserole

Introduction: Vincent Jean Mpoy Kompany, is a very nice Belgian chap and captain of Manchester Citeh.

That is how you spell it according to my friend and fervent Citeh supporter Phil Clews.

Mr. Kompany is an ambassador for the SOS Children’s villages charity that provides education and safe accommodation for children living in poverty in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where his dad comes from. He is listed 23rd in the world’s top 100 kickball players.

This recipe is ideally suited to a kickball day. You make it on the day before and stick it in the fridge to fester. It cooks best from a cold oven so you can set the oven to finish cooking when you get back from the match/pub (ask a young person how to do this).

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 1 hour + 20 mins to brown

Home kit; Large frying pan, large and quite deep 13″x9″ baking tray, medium mixing bowl

Away kit: 8 warmed plates, knives and forks

Serves: 8

Ingredients

• 1 lb. Grated potatoes
• 1 onion, chopped or grated
• 1 lb. ground pork sausage meat, browned in a frying pan and drained
• 1 green pepper, chopped
• 4 oz. sliced mushrooms (or a small tin, drained)
• 4 oz. grated Cheddar cheese
• 1 doz. eggs
• ½ pint whole milk (none of that skimmed rubbish!)
• Salt and pepper to taste

Method: Don’t preheat the oven

First half

Spread half of the grated potatoes in the lightly greased baking tray, tin or glass it does not matter. Then layer on half the onion, all the sausage meat, the remaining onion, green pepper, mushrooms and half the cheese. In the bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk and seasonings. Pour this mixture over the casserole; top with remaining grated potatoes and cheese. Cover with cooking foil and refrigerate overnight.

Second half

Place the casserole in a cold oven and bake, covered, at 180^oC for about an hour. Uncover and bake for a final 20 minutes to brown the top, test by inserting a knife into the centre,  if it comes out nice and clean we’re done.

Full time result

Serve at once on warmed plates with nothing, it’ a meal in itself.

Aston Villa F.C. ~ Claret and beef

Introduction: Aston Villa’s colours are a claret shirt with sky blue sleeves, white shorts with claret and blue trim, and sky blue socks with claret and white trim. They are the original wearers of the claret and blue having stated some time after 1886.

[This is the pre-2007 badge, for extra claret-y]

To celebrate this fact here is a claret, beef and mushroom stew for the making of.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: First half 30 mins, second half 3 hours

Home kit: large ovenproof casserole, slotted spoon, two set aside plates

Away kit: 4-6 dinner plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

• 7 rashers streaky bacon, cut into inches
• 8 shallots
• 400g quartered button mushrooms
• 1.5kg stewing steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 4 tbsp. oil
• 5 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 tbsp. flour
• 1 bottle claret (Bordeaux)
• 1 tsp. sugar
• bunch of fresh herbs
• flour
• salt and black pepper to taste

Method: Preheat the oven to 150^oC

First half

Fry the bacon in the casserole dish until lightly browned. Add the onions and cook in the bacon fat for about 5 minutes then add the mushrooms, stirring gently for about 5 minutes. Scoop out of the casserole with the slotted spoon and set aside.

Pour the oil into the casserole dish and brown the steak cubes in small batches (too many and they steam rather then fry). Set them aside as you go. That done, put the browned meat back in the casserole dish, add the garlic and sprinkle the flour over the meat. Place in the pre-heated oven for 15 minutes while you prep the herbs and perhaps taste a little of the wine?

Second half

Now we season the dish, add the wine and the herbs (any mix of thyme, rosemary, tarragon, bay leaves, parsley), sugar, salt and pepper then cover and cook the casserole in the oven for three hours, while you adjourn to the pub/match.

Full time result

On your return add the bacon/shallot/mushroom mixture. Return to the oven and heat while you boil the potatoes that you are going to serve it with.

Chelsea F.C. ~ Ruud Pullet with Gianfranco Gorgonzola

Introduction: OK, there are a lot of ingredients but this is an easy, swift recipe which can be attempted post match if you’ve sunk less than six pints.

Ruud Gullit ~ was born Ruud Dil in Amsterdam. Gullit’s brilliance prompted George Best to comment in 1990, “Ruud Gullit is a great player by any standards. He has all the skills. He’s not afraid to do things with the ball. And he looks as if he’s enjoying every second of it.

Gianfranco Zola, OBE ~ joined Chelsea in 1996, he was voted the Football Writers’ Player of the Year in the 1996–97 season. In 2003 he was voted Chelsea’s greatest player ever. He was capped 35 times for Italy from his debut in 1991, appearing at the 1994 FIFA World Cup and Euro 96.

Preparation time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 20 mins

Home kit: Large saucepan, large frying pan, large plate and a colander.

Away kit: 4-6 serving plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

• 3 skinless chicken breast fillets, cut into ½ inch slices
• salt
• freshly ground black pepper
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 200g button mushrooms, quartered
• 300ml whipping cream
• 150g crumbled Gorgonzola cheese (actually, any blue cheese will do but it’s not as funny)
• Some grated Parmesan cheese
• Some fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley
• 200g dried pasta

Method:

First half

Boil a lot of water in the large saucepan and lob in the pasta. After 10 mins pour into a colander and set aside. This will not quite cook the pasta but it will become al dente once it is combined with the Ruud Pullet and sauce later. I like to use Conchiglie but any will do.

While the pasta is cooking, season the chicken breasts to taste with the salt and pepper, not too much salt as there is plenty in the Gianfranco. Fry the chicken in the olive oil over a medium heat until it takes on a golden brown colour, remove and set aside. I would do this in a couple of batches, too much meat in the pan and it streams rather than fries.

Second half

Now put the mushrooms in the same frying pan and cook for 5 minutes until they are soft and release a lot of their liquid. Return the chicken to the pan and add the cream, bring to almost a boil and simmer for 2 minutes. Add half the Gianfranco and all the parmesan and a little more pepper and cook a little longer to melt the cheeses.

Full time results

Now combine the Ruud Pullet with the pasta and crumble the remaining gorgonzola and parsley over the top for decoration. Serve with Greenaway salad.