Tomatoes

Hull City A.F.C. ~ Waggy and Chillo con carne

Introduction: Waggy and Chillo are the nicknames of Ken Wagstaff and Chris Chilton. The Hull City AFC goal scoring machine of the late sixties. Ken delivered 197 goals in 434 appearances, while Chris scored 222 goals in 477 appearances. They are both now in their 70’s.

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A Chris Chilton quote;

“I’ve just been through a knee operation so that’s two metal hips and a metal knee now,” he said. “They’re just about keeping me together thankfully.

“Waggy, on the other hand, has barely got a scratch on him. That must tell you something about how we played the game!”

And one from Ken;

“I don’t know why the people of Hull took to me so much,” he said. “Maybe it is because of all the goals.

“There was excitement. When we attacked the whole crowd stood up because they expected us to score.”

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: kickball match (90 mins – 2 hours)

Home kit: oven proof casserole

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 2 tbsp. olive oil
  • 1 lb. ground steak or chuck steak cut into bite sized chunks.
  • 1 large onion, peeled and finely chopped
  • 1 green pepper, seeded and chopped into bite sized chunks (Sheils prefers red AND green)
  • 5 cloves of garlic, skinned and crushed
  • 1 tin tomatoes
  • 1 tin kidney beans with chilli sauce
  • 7 red chillies
  • 1 tbsp. paprika
  • 1 tbsp. ground cumin
  • Large pinch of salt
  • 1 square dark chocolate (not the whole bar Jules Hargreaves!)

Method: Preheat the oven to 170oC

First half

Heat the oil in the casserole and bung in the onions to cook for a few minutes until soft, not caramelized. Then add the green pepper and the garlic, fry for a couple mins and add the beef. Continue frying until the beef is browned. Stir in the tomatoes, chillies, paprika and cumin. Bring to the boil, bung in the kidney beans and large pinch of salt.

Second half

Then into the oven for between 1½ to 2 hours. And, as the waggo on the tail of this recipe stir in the square of dark chocolate.

Full time results

Serve with baked potatoes and Cheese Bruce.

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CRYSTAL PALACE F.C. ~ John Salsalako

Introduction: John Akin Salako (born 11 February 1969) is a Nigerian-born English former professional footballer, sports television pundit and U16 coach of Premier League side Crystal Palace.

He played as a midfielder for Palace from 1986 until 1995. He represented England at senior level, earning five caps, all during 1991. He help Palace reach the FA cup final in 1990.

Preparation time: 5mins

Standing time: 0-30 mins

Home kit: whizzy stick (hand held blender) and whizzy stick beaker

Away kit: medium serving bowl, tortillas

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 1 tsp. chilli powder
  • bunch coriander, chopped (Basil is a good substitute)
  • 2 tomatoes, finely chopped
  • ½ red onion, finely chopped
  • ½ lime, juice only
  • 1 ripe avocado
  • salt, to taste

Method:

First half

Put the coriander, tomato, onion, ripe avocado and salt into the whizzy stick pot and whizz them into submission. Stir in the chilli and the lime juice which loosens the mixture.

Second half

Leave to fester for about 30 mins but you can tuck in immediately if time is short.

Full time results

Slop into the bowl and dip the tortillas into it.

Is it salsa? Is it guacamole? No it’s Salsalako.  Works well in fajita’s too.

Wigan Athletic F.C. ~ Jewell Ruby Murray

Introduction: Paul Jewell (born 28 September 1964) is a former English footballer and manager.

In June 2001, Jewell returned to Wigan Athletic as manager, he had played for them making 137 league appearances and scoring 35 goals. In the 2002–03 season the club won the Division Two championship. They were near the top of Division One throughout the 2003–04 and then on the final day of the 2004–05 Championship season, Jewell’s Athletic side clinched promotion to the Premiership bringing top flight football to the Lancashire town for the first time.

On the final day of the 2006–07 season, Jewell steered Wigan safe from relegation after a win against Sheffield United at Bramall Lane on 13 May 2007. A day later, Jewell resigned as Wigan manager. Shame.

My grandfather used to put dried prawns in with his beef dishes but I have only just found a supplier for them so I have never tried them.

Preparation time: 20mins

Cooking time: 2 hours

Home kit: large shallow casserole, medium bowl and a pestle and mortar.

Away kit: 4 plates, 4 spoons (curry should be eaten with a spoon)

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 2 lb. stewing beef, cut into 1 inch cubes
  • A thumb of ginger
  • ½ a bulb of garlic
  • ¾ pint of water
  • 10 tablespoons (160 ml) vegetable oil
  • 10 cardamom pods
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 10 whole black pepper corns
  • 1 inch cinnamon stick
  • 1 large onion
  • 1 tsp. coriander seeds
  • 1 tsp. cumin seeds
  • 5 tsp. bright red paprika
  • 2 tsp. hot chilli powder
  • A generous pinch of salt (for grinding)
  • 2 tbsp. tomato puree
  • Freshly ground black pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Put the coriander and cumin seeds into the pestle and mortar with the pinch of salt and do a little grind.

Heat the oil in the casserole over a medium flame. Brown the meat in batches and set aside in the bowl. Do a little grind…

Add the cardamom, bay leaves, pepper corns and cinnamon into the same oil. Stir once. After a few seconds tip in the onion, fry them until golden brown and caramelized. This is important to the taste and will take about 5 mins. Do a little grind…

Now add the ginger and garlic and fry for a further 30 seconds. Add the newly ground coriander and cumin along with the paprika and chilli. Roast these in the oil for a further 30 seconds. Now return the meat and scooch it about in the spices carefully coating each piece.

Second half

The spices will have stuck a bit at this point so pour in the water (careful it will sizzle) and use a wooden spoon to sloosh them off the bottom of the pan. Add the tomato puree and mix that in too. Bring to the boil and stick the casserole in the oven and leave to fester for 2 hours.

Full time results

Serve with pure white boiled basmati rice to contrast with the deep red of the gravy.

N.B. If you turn down the oven temp to 170oC you can leave this in the oven for an entire visit to your local stadium and it’ll be none the worse for wear.  Though you might need someone else to prepare the rice for you.

Manchester United F.C. ~ Sir Alex Burgerson

Introduction: Sir Alex Ferguson was born on the 31st December 1941 in Glasgow. He shares a birthday with my grandfather.

He has won 49 trophies as a manager, making him the most successful British kickball manager in history.

The key to cooking a good burger is to create umami.  You can achieve this by getting the griddle you cook your burger on extremely hot before cooking. If you set off the fire alarms you’re doing it right!

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 4 mins, plus 5 mins Bergie time

Home kit: griddle or barbecue,

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks,

Serves: 4

Ingredients

  • 4 x 100% Aberdeen Angus beef burgers
  • 4 x soft white floured bread rolls
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Lettuce – shredded
  • Tomato, cut into strips
  • Dill pickles, cut into strips
  • Mayonnaise (full fat not the sliming rubbish)
  • Tomato sauce

Method: Preheat the barbecue or griddle till it’s smoking hot

First half

Coat the burgers with a generous pinch of salt and pepper. Allow to sit for a few minutes while the griddle or barbecue gets hot, stinking hot. Now coat with a light brush of olive oil and place on the heat and sear for one minute. Turn and sear for one minute. Rotate 90o and turn to get a goal net pattern going on your burgers, sear for one minute. Turn and sear for the final minute.

Put aside to rest for 5 mins (Bergie time) to allow the meat to relax and become soft.

Second half

While the burgers are resting toast the buns. Put the mayonnaise and tomato sauce on the base of the roll then cover with the shredded lettuce. After the 5 mins Bergie time place the pattie on the bun/lettuce combo and make a lattice of tomato and dill pickle strips on top to make a tasty vegetable tartan.

Full time results

Close the bun and eat vigorously as if on the side lines chewing gum.

Fulham F.C. ~ Craven Cottage pie

Introduction: Craven Cottage has been the home ground of Fulham since 1896.  Its current capacity is 25,700, the record attendance was for a game against the Millwall Dockers on the 8th October 1938 and stands at 49,335.

This pie should be made with King Edward potatoes as they were named after King Edward VII who was King when Fulham ascended to the football league in 1903.

Preparation time: 20 min

Cooking time: 1 hour 20 mins

Home kit: a large saucepan, large shallow ovenproof baking dish

Away kit: 4-6 dinner plates and forks

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

  • 1 tbsp. sunflower oil
  • 1 lb. beef mince
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 x 400ml cans of chopped tomatoes
  • 350g frozen mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, green beans)
  • 1 lb. peeled potatoes
  • A knob of Butter (proper stuff)
  • A matchbox sized piece of strong cheddar, grated
  • Generous pinch of salt and pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 180oC

First half

Heat the oil in the saucepan over a medium heat and fry the onions until soft, then add the beef, keep frying until the beef is evenly browned, this will take about 10 minutes. Now pour in the two cans of tomatoes, Worcester sauce and the frozen mixed vegetables. Season to taste, with salt and pepper, cover and simmer for 30 minutes.

While that’s happening, cut the potatoes into small chunks (they cook quicker) and boil them in salted water until soft. Drain and mash them to smithereens with the butter.

Second half

Now it all comes together.  Lightly grease the baking dish and spoon in the mince mixture. Spread the mash over the top and sprinkle the cheese over the mash. Place in the oven for 30-40 mins until thoroughly hot and the cheese is bubbling.

Full time result

Serve on its own on piping hot plates.  It’s a meal in itself!

Kickball Cuisine ~ Chris Kamarinara sauce

Introduction: This recipe is named after the unbelievable Chris Kamara, he is an English kickballer who has played for Portsmouth, Swindon Town, Brentford, Stoke City, Leeds United, Luton Town, Sheffield United, Middlesbrough, and Bradford City . He also managed both Bradford City and Stoke City. He is now a brilliantly enthusiastic presenter and football analyst on Sky Sports.

A marinara sauce is Italian and essentially made of tomatoes, garlic, onions and herbs, though the recipe does vary by region. It means “mariner’s sauce” which I think is appropriate for Chris as I believe he used to serve in the Royal Navy.

I am not sure which team the splendid Mr. Kamara has the strongest allegiance to (perhaps he’ll tell me) so I have placed him under kickball generally as this sauce can work with many, many things.

I do know that he has been a national ambassador for the Marie Curie Cancer Care charity since 2010, which is why you’ll often see him wearing a daffodil lapel pin.

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 50 mins

Home kit: Medium saucepan

Away kit: Storage jar, spaghetti, meal ball

Serves: Some

Ingredients

  • 3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 small onion, finely chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 1 stalk of celery, finely chopped
  • 1 carrot, grated.
  • Generous pinch of sea salt
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2 tins plum tomatoes
  • 2 dried bay leaves

Method:

First half

Heat the oil over a low to medium flame (extra virgin olive oil is quite delicate) in the saucepan and add the onions and celery, sauté until they are translucent, this takes about 5 minutes. Don’t brown them, it spoils the flavour.

Second half

Reduce the heat and add the garlic, carrots, salt and pepper. Continue to sauté until all the vegetables are all soft, about 5 more minutes. Add the tomatoes and bay leaves, simmer uncovered over a low heat until the sauce thickens, about 20 mins.

Full time results

Remove and discard the bay leaves. Taste and season the sauce with more salt and pepper if necessary. Pour over your Everton F.C. ~ Alan meat Ball or Crystal Palace ~ Spaghettian Wright, Wright, Wright Marinara. You can also store it in the fridge for a few weeks using the large jar.