Hull City A.F.C. ~ Waggy and Chillo con carne

Introduction: Waggy and Chillo are the nicknames of Ken Wagstaff and Chris Chilton. The Hull City AFC goal scoring machine of the late sixties. Ken delivered 197 goals in 434 appearances, while Chris scored 222 goals in 477 appearances. They are both now in their 70’s.

A Chris Chilton quote;

“I’ve just been through a knee operation so that’s two metal hips and a metal knee now,” he said. “They’re just about keeping me together thankfully.

“Waggy, on the other hand, has barely got a scratch on him. That must tell you something about how we played the game!”

And one from Ken;

“I don’t know why the people of Hull took to me so much,” he said. “Maybe it is because of all the goals.

“There was excitement. When we attacked the whole crowd stood up because they expected us to score.”

Preparation time: 15 mins

Cooking time: kickball match (90 mins – 2 hours)

Home kit: oven proof casserole

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• 1 lb. ground steak or chuck steak cut into bite sized chunks.
• 1 large onion, peeled and finely chopped
• 1 green pepper, seeded and chopped into bite sized chunks (Sheils prefers red AND green)
• 5 cloves of garlic, skinned and crushed
• 1 tin tomatoes
• 1 tin kidney beans with chilli sauce
• 7 red chillies
• 1 tbsp. paprika
• 1 tbsp. ground cumin
• Large pinch of salt
• 1 square dark chocolate (not the whole bar Jules Hargreaves!)

Method: Preheat the oven to 170^oC

First half

Heat the oil in the casserole and bung in the onions to cook for a few minutes until soft, not caramelized. Then add the green pepper and the garlic, fry for a couple mins and add the beef. Continue frying until the beef is browned. Stir in the tomatoes, chillies, paprika and cumin. Bring to the boil, bung in the kidney beans and large pinch of salt.

Second half

Then into the oven for between 1½ to 2 hours. And, as the waggo on the tail of this recipe stir in the square of dark chocolate.

Full time results

Serve with baked potatoes and Cheese Bruce.

Sunderland A.F.C. ~ Ian Porterfield steak

Introduction: John “Ian” Porterfield (11 February 1946 – 11 September 2007) was a Scottish professional footballer and football coach who worked at both club and international level for almost 30 years.  He joined Sunderland in 1967 and stayed for 10 years, appearing 229 times and scoring 17 goals.

Mr. Porterfield scored the only goal of the 1973 FA Cup Final as Bob Stokoe’s Sunderland overcame the odds to beat Don Revie’s all conquering Leeds United.

(Clearly a thriller as I think I see Michael Jackson in goal…)

A Porterhouse steak is a T-bone steak and it should be at least an inch and a half thick before cooking and should be grilled on a barbecue at a furious heat.

Preparation time: 1 hour (surprised?)

Cooking time: 4 mins with 5 mins resting

Home kit: barbecue or cast iron griddle if it’s raining, fire alarm

Away kit: 2 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 2 porterhouse/T-bone steaks
• Generous pinch of sea salt
• Lots of freshly ground black pepper

Method: Preheat the oven to 70^oC for resting

First half

Take the steaks out of the fridge at least one hour before cooking. Put them on kitchen roll to keep the surface dry, this helps sear the outside of the meat when cooking.

Second half

Light the barbecue or put the griddle on a HIGH heat and wait until REALY, REALLY hot. Season with the salt and pepper and bung on the steaks. Leave for 1 minute. Use a timer and don’t jiggle the meat, the idea here is to create a tasty, dark crust which will only form if you leave well alone. After a minute flip. After another minute flip and turn, you are trying to create a goal net appearance on the surface of your steak. One more minute and flip again.

Place in the oven to rest for at least five minutes. If it’s a big steak you can leave it for up to 10 minutes.

N.B. If you are cooking indoors and have not set off the fire alarms then you’re doing it wrong.

Full time results

Serve with roast tomatoes, chips and lettuce. Don’t eat the lettuce. Umami!

Tottenham Hotspur F.C. ~ Steak and Yidney pie

Introduction: Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, commonly referred to as Spurs, is an English football club that plays in the Premier League. The club’s home stadium is White Hart Lane and it is the first premiership stadium I ever visited when I went to watch The Millwall play there some time around 2002 I think.

Founded in 1882, Tottenham won the FA Cup for the first time in 1901, making it the only non-League club to do so since the formation of the Football League. Tottenham was the first club in the 20th century to achieve the League and FA Cup Double, winning both competitions in the 1960–61 season.

Supporters of Spurs adopted the nickname “Yid” as a direct response to opposition fans originally using the word against them as a form of taunting and abuse. “Yid” is used as a badge of honour by the supporters of Tottenham Hotspur F.C., whether they be Jewish or not. And it is in that kickballing spirit that I have named this recipe. I do not wish to offend in any way, this is a kickball cuisine recipe for Spurs fans, for their history and for their chant. This is not a commentary on the broader issues of race and religion. I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Preparation time: 45 mins

Cooking time: One kickball match (3 hours)

Home kit: a casserole, 3 pint pie dish, pie funnel, kitchen scissors, shallow dish and set aside dish.

Away kit: 4 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 25g (1oz) butter
• 2tbsp vegetable oil
• 900g (2lb) braising steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 3 lamb’s kidneys, snip out the white gristle and quarter
• 3 tbsp. plain flour
• 2 onions, peeled and finely sliced
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
• 1 x 570ml (1 pint) dark ale
• Good splash Worcestershire sauce
• 100g (4oz) chestnut mushrooms, quartered
• 375g (13oz) puff pastry
• 1 egg yolk, to glaze the pastry
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• A little water

Method: Preheat the oven to 160^oC

First half

Put the flour in the dish and season, coat the bits of steak and kidney in the seasoned flour. Heat the butter and oil in the casserole over a medium heat and brown a few pieces of meat at a time to seal in the flavours. Set aside and continue until it is all browned. Add a little water to the casserole and loosen the loveliness at the bottom with a wooden spoon. Now fry the onions and garlic to cook for 10 minutes until soft and lightly coloured.

Add the ale and Worcestershire sauce and season. Put on the lid and cook in the oven for one kickball match (2- 2½ hours) until the meat is tender.

Add the mushrooms, stir and pour into the pie dish. Put the funnel in the centre and cool.

Second half – Increase the oven temperature to 200^oC.

Grease the rim of the pie dish. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured board. Cut a 1 inch strip of pastry and press on to the rim of the pie dish. Brush the rim with water. Roll the remaining pastry to make a lid and place on top of the pie, pressing down the edges. Trim and knock up by using a flat-bladed knife and horizontally tapping the edge. Decorate the centre of the pie with a pastry cockerel standing on a kickball. Mix the egg yolk with a little water and brush over the pastry. Place in the oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until the pastry is risen and golden brown.

Extra time

The cooked meat mixture can be frozen for up to a month in the pie dish in a freezer bag. To assemble the pie, simply defrost and play the second half.

Full time results

Stick on a plate with peas and eat with a pint of ale.

Aston Villa F.C. ~ Claret and beef

Introduction: Aston Villa’s colours are a claret shirt with sky blue sleeves, white shorts with claret and blue trim, and sky blue socks with claret and white trim. They are the original wearers of the claret and blue having stated some time after 1886.

[This is the pre-2007 badge, for extra claret-y]

To celebrate this fact here is a claret, beef and mushroom stew for the making of.

Preparation time: 30 mins

Cooking time: First half 30 mins, second half 3 hours

Home kit: large ovenproof casserole, slotted spoon, two set aside plates

Away kit: 4-6 dinner plates, knives and forks

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

• 7 rashers streaky bacon, cut into inches
• 8 shallots
• 400g quartered button mushrooms
• 1.5kg stewing steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 4 tbsp. oil
• 5 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 tbsp. flour
• 1 bottle claret (Bordeaux)
• 1 tsp. sugar
• bunch of fresh herbs
• flour
• salt and black pepper to taste

Method: Preheat the oven to 150^oC

First half

Fry the bacon in the casserole dish until lightly browned. Add the onions and cook in the bacon fat for about 5 minutes then add the mushrooms, stirring gently for about 5 minutes. Scoop out of the casserole with the slotted spoon and set aside.

Pour the oil into the casserole dish and brown the steak cubes in small batches (too many and they steam rather then fry). Set them aside as you go. That done, put the browned meat back in the casserole dish, add the garlic and sprinkle the flour over the meat. Place in the pre-heated oven for 15 minutes while you prep the herbs and perhaps taste a little of the wine?

Second half

Now we season the dish, add the wine and the herbs (any mix of thyme, rosemary, tarragon, bay leaves, parsley), sugar, salt and pepper then cover and cook the casserole in the oven for three hours, while you adjourn to the pub/match.

Full time result

On your return add the bacon/shallot/mushroom mixture. Return to the oven and heat while you boil the potatoes that you are going to serve it with.

Manchester United F.C. ~ Robin Van Pastie

Introduction: I wrote this recipe about two days before Robin van Persie moved to Manchester Utd.

Robin van Persie was born on the 6^th August 1983, he is a Dutch kickballer who now plays as a striker for Manchester United for whom he has made 56 appearances and scoring 37 goals.

He has also made 277 appearances for for The Arsenal and scored 132 goals for them.  He was their top goal scorer in 2006/7, 2008/9, 2010/11 and 2011/12.

My friend says that a pastie made from robins would not taste very nice.

Preparation time: 20 mins

Cooking time: 1 hour

Home kit; baking tray

Away kit; 6 plates, knives and forks

Serves: 6

Ingredients

• A 500g pack ready rolled short crust pastry
• 300g (11 oz.) thinly sliced potatoes
• 2 onions, thinly sliced
• 225g (8 oz.) steak, cut in 1cm cubes
• 1½ teaspoons salt
• 1 generous pinch ground black pepper
• 30g (1 oz) butter

Method: Preheat the oven to 190^oC

First half

Divide pastry in three equal parts. Roll a third of the dough to make a 20x40cm rectangle. Cut to make two 20cm squares. Place on baking tray. Repeat with other two thirds of pastry, ending up with six pastry squares.

Arrange layer of potatoes on half of each pastry square, top with layer of onion and then with meat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and dot with butter.

Moisten pastry edges with cold water and fold over to make triangles; press edges together to make tight seal. A tight seal retains steam and makes juicy pasties.

Second half

Bung ‘em in the oven for 1 hour or until meat is tender.

N.B. Ovens do come with timers so you can do the prep for your van Pasties stick them in the oven and set the timer to have them ready for when you get back from the game / pub.

Also, if you let the pasties to cool completely you can chuck them into freezer bags and keep them for up to 3 months for defrosting on match days.

Full time result

Serve straight from the oven on warmed plates with chips in winter or cold with salad in summer with HP sauce at all times.